Sue81

Well I’ve lost the 2lbs I gained last week. It might have been a bit more but my little celebration on Thursday night threw that out.

I had a successful shopping trip yesterday. The list helped. I bought some wheat bran to go in my scrambled eggs. If you want a change to usual scrambled eggs I suggest you try it. It adds a lovely nutty taste and a great texture.
While I was in the whole foods section I found a basic museli which only had sugars from its dried fruit, rather the the horrible sweet stuff from the cereal aisle.  This morning I added some sunflower seeds and orange segements just to mix it up a bit.
Even when I have a list there is always some degree of spontaneous purchase and yesterday was no different but it wasn’t food this time, I bought a steamer and I’m looking forward to trying it out.

First of all thanks for all the advice from my last post and sorry for the dodgy topic.

I found out this afternoon that my practical experience has been signed off and I am now a fully qualified accountant. It means it’s finally all sorted and I can use the letters ACMA after my name. It has put me in a good mood and I’m going to celebrate a little tonight.

I am also going to write a shoping list so that tomorrow when I go to the supermarket I get a good range of food to inspire me to stick fully to the plan.

Last time I wrote about my lack of motivation well I’ve had a wake up call but in the most revolting way. Those of you of a sensitive disposition may want to stop reading now.

To put it bluntly I think I need more fibre in my diet. Things haven’t exactly been comfortable in the bathroom area for a while (on occassion it resembles concrete).
My breakfast has been porridge (oatmeal) while on this plan but recently I haven’t been having it daily. It’s got too hot for stodge in the morning so this week at the supermarket I was on the lookout for a museli or granola but even the best had 20g of sugar per 50g serving. I think I’ll have to make my own but I haven’t got round to it yet.

Some of you may be able to guess where this is going. Tonight included an emergency trip to the hardware store as I have just spent the last two hours unblocking my toilet. I think it may have taken exception to my changing to quilted toilet paper.
It has had an immediate impact on my eating as I’m not sure I can now face dinner!

The whole fibre thing has also reminded me that when I was on a high protein plan years ago I was advised to put raw bran in things like scrambled eggs. It was very tasty, a good texture and I might try that again.

So more fibre I think is the way forward and making sure my eating doesn’t damage the procelain!

I gained 2lbs this week and I’m not happy with myself. I just can’t seem to get motivated at the moment. When I started this I was all fired up and ready to go. Losing the weight was only part of what I wanted to do and I was moving towards all the others at the same time.

Now the fire has gone out and I’m doing this half-heartedly. The rest of my original aims have all disappeared. I’m not hurting anyone but my self by not doing this properly and I really do want to lose the weight. So I’m going to read through the book behind my plan this afternoon and try to get some enthusiasm back.

I went out to the cinema last night with some of the girls from work. I think some part of me attempted sabotage as I forgot to bring a change of clothes but I went along anyway.

We stopped off at a pub for a quick bite to eat first and it was passable, both my choice in terms of what I should have been eating and the standard of the food. The service was terrible though and two people got served as the rest of us had finished eating.

The new cinema in town has a Ben & Jerry’s stand and the rest of the girls dived in. I’ll admit I took a good look but I walked away. I didn’t need it, so I didn’t have it.

I can now smell someone’s barbeque through the window so I’m gonna go eat.

I had a bit of an odd weekend my eating was good, I didn’t really go off plan at all but I couldn’t get motivated to do anything and I slept a lot. I think it was probably all the stress catching up with me and I’m feeling better today. I even got it together enough to make a sandwich for lunch AND take it to work.

My new assistant started today and it wasn’t too nerve racking for me, mainly because the poor bloke was really nervous himself. He’s very young and yes I know I’m only 27 but he’s 21 and just out of uni. It’s his first real job and he seemed a tad overwhelmed. He’s skinny as a rake as well! Oh well time will tell if he is any good at the job.

Over the weekend I joined the national phobics’ society to try to deal with my people issues. After I joined I was given the opportunity to take part in a study of the use of online resources for mental health problems, which was a bit of a shock as I guess I didn’t ever class myself as having a mental health problem.
My gran had mental health problems which I’ve never been told the full details about (inspite of asking but my dad doesn’t want to talk about it) she was sectioned for a quite a few years before I was born and had electric shock treatment. She was on medication for the rest of her life.
I know my anxiety is something different but it freaked me out a bit.

Once I’d stopped freaking I decided to sign up. I wanted to know what it was all about and see what help was on offer. I was accepted onto the study. I’ve got 6 weeks of email support from a support worker and I’ve been signed up to the living life to the full website, which is an online cognitive behaviour therapy tool. I hope the two may be able to help me to start sorting things out.

I’m due to go out to the cinema with the girls tomorrow night, we might be going out for something to eat before and there is always the snacks and popcorn when we are there but I will try to stay strong and stick to healthy eating. Now I just need to turn up and not cancel on them!

I’ve just weighed in and I’m down another pound. I have had other things on my mind for a while now but that is as sorted as it is going to be so my focus is back on the weight loss. It’s a long weekend here and typically the weather isn’t great but I’m going to try to make the most of it.

In terms of the goals I set out for myself in my last blog here are the actions I am taking to make them happen.

1. Get back on plan and lose the weight
- I went to the supermarket yesterday and had a good stock up. I nearly collapsed when I saw the total but the only way for me to do this is to have nice food which is on plan. I’ve had my porridge (oatmeal) this morning and have my meals planned for the rest of the day. I’m considering getting a veg box delivered rather than buying it from the supermarket, I tend to stick to the same veggies and this might be a way to get some variety. There is also a fishmonger at the end of the road which I might take a look at. I love fish and seafood but I’m not a fan of handling it in its raw state.

2. Get a full health MOT
- One of the reasons I follow the GI diet is because I have PCOS. The symptoms are reduced when I follow the diet and take some natural supplements. As I’ve just taken them this morning I’ll let you know what I take;
Multi vitamin and mineral
Vitamin B Complex
Zinc
Magnesium
Chromium
Co-enzyme Q10
Agnus Castus
Milk Thistle
Saw Palmetto
I’d particularly recommend the Saw Palmetto to anyone who suffers from hirsutism.
I’m going to go see the doc once I’m back into the swing of things.

3. Get some help for my people issues
- Having done some research on the net I think I suffer from social anxiety. I’m sorting out membership to the National Phobics’ Society which will give me access to cognitive behaviour therapy. It seems to be the recommend way to go. I’m also trying to make small steps in my social life. I’ve agreed to go to the cinema on Wednesday with some girls from work, (now I just need to turn up!).

4. Get more active
- Assuming the weather is okay I’m going to take a walk into town on Monday and while I’m there I’m going to look out some exercise equipment. Now the weather is (supposedly) improving I’d like to take a walk during my lunch break but as I work at an Airport there is nowhere to go. I’ll have to take a look and see if it is possible.

5. Get on the housing ladder
- This one is on hold for now due to the general state of the economy!

Well I’m in a positive mood for the week ahead. I might even wash the car!

I’m going to stay where I am. It is the right choice for me. It is a positive decision I believe. I have unfinished business here and if I leave a lot of the work I have done over the last 5 years will go to waste. The changes they have implemented mean more responsibility and a focus where my skills lie, so I can continue to add value.

No matter which way I looked at it I couldn’t commit to the new job. It didn’t suit me. I’m not cut out to be a consultant  and what is the point of moving back if I’m going to be away all week. It also in a strange way felt like a step backwards not forwards. I’m glad I applied as it has meant I have reassessed my working life and have moved it in a positive direction (okay so I also got a big pay increase out of it).

My new assistant starts next Tuesday and I am being given free rein to focus his training towards the areas of our work which I no longer wish to focus on. This will free up my time for my new responsibilities. In three months time we will be recruiting another assistant to allow the team to continue to develop. I am going to get some training on how to manage people and leadership etc. My previous attempt didn’t go very well, my people issues make me want to avoid conflict which is not always the best in a boss.

I’m feeling better now I have made this decision and will do everything to make sure this works out. I know factors other than the pure job have affected this decision in both directions but it is part of who I am.

I haven’t yet told either company as my current employers have promised to put the things we’ve been discussing in writing and I want that in my hand before I tell them I’m staying. Once that is confirmed I will get in touch with my recruitment consultant and let him know my decision. I doubt he’ll be pleased as he won’t get paid if I don’t take the job.

Now this is sorted I am going to set out some goals and actions for myself:

1. Get back on plan and lose the weight
- I have not been fully on plan for a while now. I’ve still been losing but I know if I’m fully committed it will get better. I’m not going to set a certain time frame as if I do that and do not succeed I will become disheartened. I will do as I stated at the beginning and take it 1st (14lbs) at a time.

2. Get a full health MOT
- I’ve never been in the best of health and the years of abusing my body through feeding it crap and forcing it to carry all this extra weight have certainly not improved the situation. I think it is time I had a good check up to make sure nothing is lurking which needs dealing with and to allow me to get a handle on some of my health problems. Allergies, asthma, eczema and PCOS are a lovely combination. I also think I need to ask the doc some hard questions, some are easier left unasked.

3. Get some help for my people issues
-It is time I dealt with this properly. I’m not sure exactly what the problem is but I’m going to find someone I can talk this through with and try to deal with why I am scared of people. Hopefully it will allow me to move on with other areas of my life.

4. Get more active
- I used to love swimming, circuit training and weights but these days my activity level is around zero. Other than the odd walk and session on the wii I do nothing. I’d love to get down the gym but I don’t have the confidence. I need to find something I can do to aid the weight loss. I think I might invest in a punch bag or something similar. Whatever I need to do something.

5. Get on the housing ladder
- Not weight related but an important part of my committing to staying here.  Something with a bit more space would mean no more excuses as to why people can’t come round and I aim to try to invite some colleagues round for a meal with a laugh or two with the wii once I get this sorted.

I think those will do as a starting point. Sorry it is such a long post.
I’d like to thank all my buddies for their comments while I’ve been making my decision, it helped me to blog. Oh and Flo, you’re right, I’m not sure I really know what happy is but I want to try and find out, so yes I will still talk to you!

After my last post of odd bulges and pain, I tried to get a doctor’s appointment today but you seem to need to know you need the doc about 2 weeks in advance, so no luck.

I think I have worked out what it is. My stomach is covered with stretch marks and I think I have iritated a few. My stomach is changing shape due to the weight loss and my trousers fit differently and I think something has been rubbing.  I’ve been wearing drawstring trackies and leaning forward a lot to mess about with the laptop or play Mario Kart.

If it is still uncomfortable on Wednesday or it changes or gets worse I’ll go to the walk in centre and see what they say.

Thinking time about the new job is nearly over (still haven’t made a decision but I’m running out of time), once I know what I’m doing I’m going to post some lifestyle goals so I have something to measure myself against.

I’m getting fairly close to making my decision but that is not what this is all about.

I am in pain and I’m not quite sure what it is. To explain I’m going to have to describe the delight that is my abdomen. I have a roll of fat from under my bust to just above my belly button. I have a waist and then a large stomach.
The pain is in my upper abdomen in the right hand side of my upper fat roll. It seem to be sticking out a bit further on the right and kind of feels like I have bruised myself except that there isn’t a certain point that hurts when I touch it. In fact it seems to hurt less when I press it.

I guess the reason why I am posting this is to find out if anyone knows if you can get something like a hernia in this area or if anyone has experienced anything like it before. It’s uncomfortable rather than being really painful but I want to know if this is something I need to have looked at.

It puzzles me a bit as to why something is like this when I losing weight I’d have thought it would have happened when I was gaining.
Oh well if anyone has any input let me know. If it continues I’ll go see the doc in a day or two.